I told you it wouldn't be consistent but it was time again for another post. Given September is Suicide Awareness month, I felt it appropriate the give a little background into the history of NAH Brother and some personal struggles I have faced along the way.
At the end of August 2023, I had lost an employee in a motorcycle accident. As a good leader, I made sure to attend the funeral. I was only the manager of this location for about 8 months, to which I visited 1-2 days a week, so I didn't have strong bonds with anyone there...I was working on it...but it was slower moving. Now as a former Marine, I felt I was hardened...emotionless...cold-hearted. But I arrived at the funeral home a little early and it was already packed. What I knew as a slightly older grumpy gentlemen...his friends and family attended and filled the service to the point people were standing in the halls. Out of respect, I sat out in the hallway to make sure others could sit for the viewing and service.
But it was in that moment, listening to all of his family talk about him...I broke down. This never happens...I felt emotions I haven't felt in my entire life. Of course...I'm tough...no one gets to see me cry...so I did my best to hide it. But after the service...everyone goes outside to talk and hugs before leaving. But his close family and biker friends all got on their bikes....and revved their bikes as loud as they could to pay respects for their lost brother. I had to make it to my truck as quickly as I could and I just lost it. The respect they had. The love they showed. I wanted that. I started thinking about my funeral and who would be there...this broke me even further. I felt more alone than I have ever felt. Married with 4 kids...and I felt that there would be no one at my funeral.
I sat with that for the next 2 months...spiraling in my mind what I needed to do...how my life got to this point...how I could end up feeling so alone. Now mind you...I got married for the first time when I was 18. I was 36 at this point...on my second marriage totaling almost 18 years...half my life. And it dawned on me...being married was the reason I had no friends...no experiences to brag about. I had spent my entire adult life always being responsible for my wife and kids. I had never got to experience being alone...living alone...the struggle...and bonding with others...partying...drinking...etc. (Now mind you...I was wrong...and I will get to that point...just bear with me).
After much internal deliberation...despression...I told my wife I wanted a divorce. It was extremely difficult to try and get her to understand my point of view...that (i thought) family was destroying my personal attempt at happiness. It did not go over well. It affected her...me...and my kids. I agreed to stay in the house to try and keep some consistency for our children for as long as possible. My wife was scared of me hurting myself...and I was in the darkest...deepest place I had ever been in my life. Holidays came and gone...things a little more awkward than ever before but we made it work.
In December, I decided I wanted a motorcycle. I wanted to find that brotherhood and connection that I had been missing since I left the Marines. So right after Christmas, I found a cheap Harley (I wanted a Harley because of the community aspect versus other brands) and bought it. I was scared to ride it at first, but spent a lot of time riding it around my neighborhood and just getting a feel for it. Took a rider safety course at the beginning of February and attended my first Harley owners meeting. There I met a group of guys who go riding almost every Saturday...it was slow starting at first, but then I got comfortable with them and started to connect with them.
Now mind you...I had been in therapy since the end of November and it was starting to bear fruit. We had determined that between codependency and communication issues...things had to start changing. My wife and I also started to go to couples therapy...if anything to just get us to communicate better...even if we ended up splitting...communication never hurt anyone. We continued to attend couple sessions as well as my individual sessions for months. After a while, we agreed that the couple sessions no longer provided a benefit and we continued practicing what we had learned.
And at the end of May, something worse happened (or so I thought). I lost my job. I had already given up using husband and father to define me...now I lost the only other thing that gave my life definition. I stewed on that for several days...trying to get the closure I needed for something I cared so much for. It wasn't just a job...to me...it gave me meaning...it was something I cared for...and it was taken from me.
Now...for redemption. It was during this time that NAH Brother was founded. After everything I had gone through and struggled with...I didn't want others to struggle the way I had...feeling alone...potentially taking their life. And honestly...it was the best thing I could have done. My wife helped me set up the website...come up with some designs...and even talk about the future and vision for NAH Brother. Given that I was out of work...and in between sending in resumes and applying for jobs...her and I worked together on NAH Brother.
The connection and closeness we had rekindled had an affect on our marriage as well. I had realized that what I was seeking was not important...and certainly how I was going about it...was not the answer. I almost made a huge mess of not just my life...but the life of my wife and kids. But this wasn't a conclusion anyone could help me or tell me. I had to get here by myself...I had to see the value of what I had...I had to be grateful for what I had versus what I thought I had missed out on.
NAH Brother is not just a business...it has a huge meaning to me. I've lost brothers during my time in the Marines...I've lost friends and family since then. I've seen firsthand what the mental health of men can do and the destruction it can cause. Yes, we sell stuff...but not for the profit...I want to see men and women wearing our designs...walking down the street and triggering a response in others. Showing them that they arent alone...that we understand their struggles. And there is someone here who can help...who can listen...who wants them around.
My vision for NAH Brother. Selling apparel and posting on Facebook is just the beginning. I want to see NAH Brother locations set up...like the VFW or American Legion posts...where men can come together for events...for hobbies...for classes. I want to bring to the world what men have always seemed to miss out on...connection. As we get older...women seem to get closer...men get further apart. I want to build locations where men can come together out of mutual desire for connection...for bonding...to cure loneliness and boredom. Imagine someone out there who has the same hobbies as you...and you don't have to spend countless awkward hours trying to meet likeminded people. Just attend a meeting...and we'll get you set up. Wanna try something new...probably someone in your area who already does it. Wanna try hunting...fishing...drone racing...working out? Most likely someone at a NAH Brother location who already does it...and because they are in our network...they already understand why you are there. The "NAH" in NAH Brother stands for "Need a Hand" because we all need a hand sometimes...and I want NAH Brother to help get you the hand you need.